pinche blog

One of the things I've learned in Mexico is that I'm really bad at "blogging." This is most likely due to a combination of bad memory, procrastination, and a few too many tequila shots with my amigos. However, fortunately, realizing that I lack blogging skills is not the only thing I've learned here. Here's my list of newly-acquired knowledge:

1. I don't know Spanish.

2. If you don't know Spanish, you shouldn't pretend like you do, or else you will end up ordering something that will give you heartburn for a week.

3. Mexicans rarely think food is spicy...so if a Mexican tells you that something is "picante," then it will most likely make you yell, cry, throw up, or a combination of the three.

4. When attempting to buy new underwear, do not purchase it at the supermarket. If you have no other choice, do not assume you know how the sizes work. I did this and ended up with a pair of underwear that I'm considering turning into a parachute.

5. There is no such thing as a nicely paved road. If you are fond of walking, be prepared to sprain an ankle or fall into a large, unexpected hole.

6. If you want to go to Veracruz for Carnaval, expect to be the minority. Unless you're a tranny.

7. After 3 tequila shots, 2 coke & rums, and a beer, stop accepting drinks at a family party.

8. Mexico is a great place to learn about wildlife. Especially insects. Extremely large insects. That jump. And make noise. And live under your bed.

9. There are a countless number of ways to use the verb "chingar," none of which should be used in front of your family.

10. A weekend diet of beer and tacos makes you fat.


So there you have it.

So we begin...

After a series of seemingly empty-promises made to my mother about starting a blog, I finally decided to do it...mainly because I want to remember all my failures so I can look back at them in a "things can only get better" sort of way. So this blog is really just disguised optimism, right?

Anyways, how does one start a blog about failures? I guess I'll just start with my most recent one...today. I'll keep it short and sweet.

About 2 hours ago I was at my university waiting for the bus. I wait at the same bus stop every day. Bus number 34. It makes 5 stops before I have to get off. Same Route. Every. Single. Day. Well today was the first time that I got to the bus stop right as the bus was pulling up, so you can imagine my excitement about actually being lucky. I jumped in the almost empty bus and grabbed my favorite spot right next to the back door. I could finally get off the bus without having to jump over a million people. Very lucky.

My luck quickly faded. At the next stop, about 10 people got on the bus. Because Mexican bus drivers seem to have little concern for their passengers' safety, the bus jolted forward while people were still sitting down. Fortunately for me, a nice "grande" woman lost her balance next to me and tried to grab the closest thing in sight...my eyeball. What's worse than getting hit in the eye by a stranger is getting hit in the eye by a stranger who recently consumed something spicy, which was made obvious by the burning sensation that quickly eliminated my sense of sight.

Losing one of my senses is not the worst thing that happened to me in this situation...I have 4 others. The problem was that because I had no sight for a good 3 minutes, I was distracted from the fact that I had gotten on a bus headed in the wrong direction. Because I was not blessed with a sense of direction, I was already completely lost. When I finally got off the bus, it started to rain. Tears from God? It seems likely.

Thank God for taxis.